Bookends On May

It’s been a weird month. I’ve been working through some things and it’s somehow managed to be both too long and not nearly long enough for that.

I started the month off with my usual rituals and wrapping my magick ribbon I’d been working on since the Equinox. I think it turned out well after the six weeks of overlapping dyes to get it half orange and half blue-purple-black. It was nice, quiet, and there was still a strong feeling of gathering and raising energy more than most years. Like something ongoing.

Usually the ribbon is a wish or hope for the coming year, but this time it seemed more like an agreement or commitment, something just beginning that will continue for the year. I’ve spent the rest of May trying to understand how to move forward now. Guidance hasn’t been coming in words or cards, so it’s taken more time and listening. Usually, my People only talk so not-in-words to me if there aren’t any words for what They’re trying to explain.

Some of it is about magicks and, specifically some kinds I’ve been running away from for a long time that it’s well past time to stop. And some has been about mindset—no matter how much shadow crap I do, there’s always still more to be done yet.

It’s been kind of a different way than my Gods and spirits usually ask me into new things. Most of the time, They invite me to do things and dangle the learning itself as an incentive, and then I look up eventually and realize I’ve changed along the way. This time, though, it’s the endgame they’re holding up—or at least a possible one—and just asked if I wanted to be that person, but have mostly only been telling after I agreed what the steps are to get there. I think the last time it was done in that order was 2015.

I’m wondering, though, if this is the same journey I was invited to last year. It’s the same core magicks involved, similar ways of thinking, some of the same projects and practices I’d never finished. I had all the pieces before but wasn’t sure how put it all together. But my efforts led into the conversations that led into the images I’ve been shown and then the asking to commit now. It would make sense: I got lost last time I tried, so this time I’ve been given a landmark to aim toward as well.

I guess I’ll find out. Part of me is excited, but the other part is tired and has enjoyed sitting on the sidelines and doing minimums for a little while. I miss the days when I felt inspired and full of energy.

Holiday Weekend, Part II: May Day 2022

I didn’t quite get this finished yesterday like I had hoped, but the second part of my nice ritual weekend:

After my celebrations with Anubis on Saturday, Sunday brought May Day and Beltane/Beltaine, etc. It seems to have brought summer with it, since I saw the first slithery friends out over the weekend, and now it’s almost ninety degrees here.

It became kind of an all-day affair. I hadn’t bought my main ribbon yet: I knew my intention for the year was but not what color to use to represent it and was teetering between several but none felt quite right. When I went to the craft store, I found a light new-growth sort of green that was in between my three maybes of green, yellow, and white so that seemed perfect in the end.

I also bought some thinner red ribbon. The last several years I’ve braided red and crystal white beads into the long braids I keep in front of my ears, but this year I made beads that reminded me of Anubis to wear instead—so I wrapped the ribbon into my other braided braids to match my ribbons-and-flowers crown.

I added my red and white ribbons in the tree over my garden (and outside of my craft-room window, which means I get to see them for as long as they stay up, yay!) and that was great fun.

And I also wound my intention ribbon around the trunk and so—fingers crossed. It felt like it worked, like there was good magick and energies happening, so maybe the thing I want will be made manifest as the year goes on. I hope so!

Later in the evening I traveled for rituals and things Out There and just spending time and that lasted until the wee hours of the next morning. It was lovely, and felt like a continuation of the theme from Anubis of my letting go and opening up and connecting, even if it’s just a moment and afterwards the fun is over and you have to go back to “real life” again.

The only thing I didn’t do was have a little cauldron fire, because there was a chance of rain all day (even though it didn’t happen). My cauldrons don’t like rain and can’t be left out and need an hour or so cool before they can be put away, but there were astral bonfires when I traveled and I had my candles and incense all weekend this side that had fire energy, so I didn’t feel like I missed out much there.

I’ve kept my hair ribbons (since it’ll be rebraiding day come the weekend) and been keep up the fiery and summery colors this week, hoping I could hold on to more of that energy. I don’t know that it’s working, this year sucks, but every little bit of joy, hope, inspiration seems precious and worth holding onto as long as possible. Just for a couple of days, it felt like I could to step back from everything else and just remember good things still exist somewhere, and…worth it. ❤

Welcoming May

I hope everyone had a lovely Walpurgisnacht/Beltane/May Day/Etc. My holiday was off to a good start before it even began. I celebrate both flowers/growing and also a fire festival this time of year with my spirits and the last few years I’ve been inspired to create a little crown to wear during rituals that would nod to both. I had it pictured in my mind and even bought flowers, ribbons and the wire form two, maybe three years ago. Every year though, things kept coming up so I didn’t have time to make it leading up to the day and I couldn’t get excited to do after the fact.

This year, though, I managed to be on top of it and dedicated a whole afternoon earlier in the week. It’s maybe the best wreath-crown I’ve made and inspires me to improve on some others. Red silk flowers in bunches, held with a little preliminary taping, then the whole ring wrapped in four spiraled, overlapping layers of ribbons to secure it all—no glues—and then knotted on the hanging bunches of ribbons.

I was a little bit disappointed though, because for another (the third, I think?) year I wasn’t able to do a full-scale ribbon ritual on May 1^st outside with a tree and everything. The weather was great and I wasn’t going to go out into the woods but maybe just use the tree outside my craft room window that my garden is parked under, but I didn’t have a ribbon large and long enough and I’m still trying to stay home as much as I can. So I did the ritual wrapping on my tiny copper altar tree. I’d hoped to go big this year, but alas, circumstances. I did decorate on my altar with some silk flowers though.

After the sun set, I lit up a little fire in one of my fire caldrons. I’ve actually gotten really good at it finally! It used to take me so long to get it burning and not just smoldering, but I think I have it figured out now. And I’ve been working since January and really focused the last week or two to create ritual tools. Since there’s a connection between the fire and purification/protection, I did as much as a could so I could begin dedicating them here.

Since historically part of that protection is thought to have been focused on crops and livestock, and this is the first time I’ve actually had something of that nature to protect, I added on a bit of that as well. I lit this big red candle I use as a bonfire substitute sometimes in bad weather from the fire and had a little procession and prayers and laid down some protective energies around my garden.

I did some private rituals as well and made offerings to the local spirits. It’s funny: my holiday sounds so involved to write about, but it was very peaceful happening and I’ve had a nice and restful weekend afterward before I get back to everything. It’s all been lovely and quiet. ❤️

Bring The Fire

I hope everyone had a lovely Walpurgisnacht, Beltane/Betaine, May Day, etc.! My celebrations were both simpler/quieter and also more intense than usual or expected. You might have noticed it’s been a bit quiet here lately (I think this has been the longest break in writing since sometime late last year) but that’s because it’s been a ride.

I sort of crashed over the weekend. It was a lot of things and I didn’t want to do anything, didn’t feel like ritual or anything. My commitments felt like this exhausting weight I was carrying and doubts and discouragement crept in because why does this path never seem to get any easier??

And then several nights ago I went to bed feeling burned out and hopeless and…I was met by a series of overwhelming and terrifying experiences. I suppose I was asleep, but I was fully lucid and thought I was awake the whole time. That one night felt like multiple days and nights lived and I was stabbed, had conversations with Goddesses, given hints of things to come, made to scry into scary black clouds, has falling stars rain around me and earth and snakes rise up as if to swallow me, levitated above my bed, eviscerated, and set on fire.

I was told it was an ordeal (and no shit…that’s basically the greatest hits of signs and symbolism from all my previous ordeal experiences) and to trust it. Afterward, fully awake, all the stresses and healing injuries—though fire can’t hurt me out there, long story—were real and so intense in my astral body they echoed through into my physical one. Over the following hours, answers and explanations began to come and Anubis assured me not only was I was right that He’d been there just before, but after I lost sight of Him He’d been there in the shadows watching over me and not to fear.

So that was how I entered this ritual holiday.

The night of the 30^th was the four-year anniversary of my first oath to Anubis (each one has a different date and is special in its own way) and I was still recovering but He was there with me and I lit incense and candles for His shrine.

I didn’t get outside to light a fire or hang ribbons in the woods and wrap an actual May Tree in the tradition of my spirits, but I did it symbolically on my altar. And the astral rituals were a bit different this year from circumstances and especially intense. Especially the fires.

I’ve come out of these rituals feeling like it’s not over yet, that there’s still magick and change in play. Even though the rituals were objectively small, everything changed somehow.

And a belated happy birthday to my spirit-husband Raen. I’m sorry everything was so weird this year and I love you. ❤

Ribbons

Hope everyone had a lovely May Day/Beltane yesterday. I celebrated “Dance of Lovers/Dance of Flowers” with my spirits in honor of love and creativity and passion and to raise energy for the coming summer.

Usually, I dance in the woods and decorate the tree branches with ribbons and wrap the May Tree (instead of a pole, my spirits use a living tree to represent life and growth more broadly) with long streamers in different colors that symbolize dreams and hopes and energies we wish to bring into our lives or the world during the next year. I’ve made a practice of doing it not only for myself but for my inner circle in the Otherworlds who share intentions with me also.

This year, though, I didn’t get out to the woods for all that. It’s been a stressful few days and I didn’t make it out to clean up  and prepare the ritual circle in advance…so instead I did a mini!ritual inside. I used tiny ribbons and decorated the metal tree on my spirit altar where I usually keep my full moon ritual necklace and lit a candle on the altar in place of a bonfire.

Afterward, I had the usual evening magickal ritual in astral with all spirits like always…lots of wonderful excitement and energy raised together.

This was definitely the smallest May first ritual I’ve done in years and it’s true that I missed the woods and fire and everything a bit, but it was lovely anyway. And it’s always a little reassuring when I have to shrink down a celebration for some reason and then it goes well just the same like this—a nice reminder that I can keep my traditions anywhere, come what may (hehe, pun intended). 😉